uhhh, so i have a boyfriend now. NOT from okcupid, PTL Y’ALL. 

and his username would not be “hotasianguy9” BECAUSE NO THANK YOU.  

also, this message is too good to not share: 

Hi, you seem like a fun person. But if you believe that non-Christians go to hell and gay marriage is wrong then we wouldn’t get along. Otherwise, hope to hear from you soon. 

welp. time to disable my account! 

no, i will not respond to your message if your profile says, 

* Finding the cure for yellow fever would help :P lol

from a profile:

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

…Art…Design…absolutes therein. The beauty in life is omnipresent, but for many it is easily blurred or forgotten. Therefore the way we translate its language must be found in ever new contexts. Not only do we as artists possess a tendency towards the creative, but are bound by a dire responsibility to it. The discipline of film, of music, etc. is an art; it is a seduction; it is a language of God. And the hints of beauty and visions of future that have been entrusted to us must be channeled with the greatest of circumspection…

this is what you spend a lot of time thinking about? this is your initial attempt to attract women? i get it, you’re an ARTIST. and i am already bored.

“Hi, love the info. Are you Pinay or Viet? So if we had a baby, he would taste like a Starbucks carmel vanilla frappacino right? lol, JK! I love it. Do you like to travel?” 

this guy’s profile photo is of him shirtless and looks like a body builder on steroids. this is my life, you guys. these are the dudes that are about it.

…probably shouldn’t be signed in okcupid while slightly inebriated…….  right? 

and here are my best and worst countries: 

best: philippines, indonesia, singapore, saudi arabia, pakistan

worst: iceland, czech republic, austria, united kingdom, france

umm… what does this say about me?! 

okcupid sent me an email showing me which states and which countries have my “best matches.” 

green = best. blue = worst.

UM. 

first of all, i didn’t even know which state the greenest state was (i grew up in california, i don’t know or need to know geography outside of this great state). so… NORTH DAKOTA?! north dakota. REALLY? 

best states: north dakota, mississippi, utah, nebraska, hawaii

worst states: vermont, massachusetts, oregon, nevada, washington

this… is my life.

a general rule:

if you have a goatee, i will not go out with you.